Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
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