When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. ~Charles Schulz
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